I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
