I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
