anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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