never play flip cup with pint glasses
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
