if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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