There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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