And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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