ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
