i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
