I'm drive I can fine osifer
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
