he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
