Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
did you just send me my own nude
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
