The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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