please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
