Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
