there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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