I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
