Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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