i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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