Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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