you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
