It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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