Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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