he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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