I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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