I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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