I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
