The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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