i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Everclear isn't food dammit
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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