so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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