Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
