we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
