I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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