why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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