I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
