you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
