she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
