At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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