Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
