In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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