fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
