overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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