How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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