could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
