i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
