I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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