so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
