she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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