4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
