I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
