when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize