Please, let me fuck your mom
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
