Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
