What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
