the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
