2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
