Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I am in a vortex of obligation.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
