We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
