I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
