so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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