I wish you could order shots online.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
