yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
