So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
