We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
