Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
