Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
