Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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